Last night I called you at 5:30 and you were on the phone with your ex. And it was during the reunification process with your kids. When the ex asked you who was calling....you told her a different name...and then later told me....that I can't call you anymore on Tuesday and Thursday nights when you're working on getting visitation with your kids....and that I've already cost you the past 6 months with them.
In a way....I feel really really bad. I feel like I'm to blame for so much of what has happened.If you hadn't met me....you'd still be married and with your family(maybe) and most likely wouldn't have spent any time in prison....but then....how much of tht is really MY fault? I don't control everything that happens.
Yes...6 months ago when you were having your very first visitation with your kids...I called and your ex was holding your phone with my name on the caller ID. THAT wasn't my fault OR very smart on your part. And she got pissed and wouldn't let you see the kids....just because she blames ME for everything. Shes the crazy one....shes the controling one...
I don't want to call you and screw things up for you...so....I guess I need to back off and give you your space.
*sigh*....you know how I feel...

I used to listen to this song by Switchfoot when I would drive over the hill to visit you in your apartment...those were some happy days...

More than fine...

When I wake in the morning,
I want to blow into pieces.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.
When Im up with the sunrise
I want more than just blue skies.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.

Im not giving up, giving up, not giving up now.
Im not giving up, giving up, not backing down.

More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.

When Im wet with the sunshine.
I want more than just a good time.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.

Im not giving up, giving up, not giving up now.
Im not giving up, giving up, not selling out.

More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.
More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.

More than oceans away from the dawn.
More than oceans away from the dawn.
More than oceans away from who we are
More than oceans, more than oceans, yeah.

More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.
More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.

.....I keep forgetting to bring you your pillow.
I want to keep it. *sigh* I know....I'll bring it back.
After taking a week break from you....(my lover...not the blog)It's been nice to hear from you....and have some hot and heavy phone conversations....lol....and will be good to see you soon.
It's hard to write here when things are going so good. You're busy working....I'm busy working out and doing all those other things I do...I don't have a lot of spare time right now...but I'm still here!!!! And still love you.

Hello my love....I'm still here! It was so good to spend our time together yesterday....I'm sorry I forgot your pillow. I really did mean to bring it....
I might come and see you again tonight.....and then....THEN I'm going to give you a little space....and see how you like it. Last time I actually did give you space....you called me a lot. lol
I love you baby....I'll always be here for you...

Weeks after...*the charges*....we were still....hot and heavy....you wanted me to listen to this song because it reminded you of me....and it got you hot....it's stil one of my favorites...

Secret....Maroon 5...

Watch the sunrise
Say your goodbyes
Off we go
Some conversation
No contemplation
Hit the road

Car overheats
Jump out of my seat
On the side of the highway baby
Our road is long
Your hold is strong
Please don’t ever let go oh no

I know I don’t know you
But I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it
Oh no they can’t

Driving fast now
Don’t think I know how to go slow
Where you at now
I feel around
There you are

Cool these engines
Calm these jets
I ask you how hot can it get
And as you wipe of beads of sweat
Slowly you say "i’m not there yet!"

Today is Thursday sweetie...I talked to you on your way to work this morning...sorry I didn't come over last night....my tummy really hurt... ....I really wanted to see you...but today is Thursday....and you know what that means....I'll be there when you get off work and hang out as long as I can....every minute with you is precious......and still as hot and heavy as the first few weeks...