....I sort of know what I'm going to do....that makes it premeditated....lol....I'm going to call you a million more times and leave you a million more messages....tonight....nah....I'm going to go tanning and then I'm going to work out and watch american idol.
BUT...tommorow....I'm going to come and see you. I'm going to be there at your house when you get off work. Thats if you don't call me tonight....we'll see...you get off work in just a few minutes....
If you don't call me tonight I'm going to come and ask you for our letters....I know you're the *keeper* of our letters....but I think if you're going to move on with your life....and if you don't call me....you don't respect me and the letters must not mean a whole lot to you.
I'm going to ask for the picture back too...I'm not going to ask...I'm just going to take it. You don't need it....you're free...I'm still in my prison....and I need the eagle escape more than you do. So fuck you.
Love you baby.....your Angel...(with horns)

...our first song? The first of many....I just heard it on the radio today...I miss you swetie. I wish we could go back to those first couple weeks....and relive them.

Sex and Candy

Hangin' round downtown by myself
And I had so much time
To sit and think about myself
And then there she was
Like double cherry pie
Yeah there she was
Like disco superfly
I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream

Hangin' round downtown by myself
And I had too much caffeine
And I was thinkin' 'bout myself
And then there she was
In platform double suede
Yeah there she was
Like disco lemonade
I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream
Mama this surely is a dream
I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely is a dream
Mama this surely is a dream
Yeah mama this must be my dream

...I've never experienced anything so intense...I think he knew what I looked like...but I had never met him in 3D before...he sent me a pic but of course it looked nothing like him. He lived just over the hill from me...about 20 miles away. So it was funny we met online. I can totally admit to seducing him....the bad thing....we were both married. I know....that never happens on the net!
We got to talking one night....and I said something about pole dancing and a disco ball....and somehow we decided to meet. He had his own business and he worked odd hours...or he started to after he met me anyway. He painted and restored cars for local dealorships...so he could say he was working late.
My husband worked out of town all the time....he was gone more weeks than he was home....at least M-F...so I could sneak out and meet him somewhere. It was a really foggy night....and I could barely see in front of me driving to the local gas station. He didn't know it was only a couple miles from my house...he didn't know my last name...all he had was a few weeks conversation online and a pic of me...
We had a understanding to meet and see if there was a physical attraction...when he pulled up next to me on the side of the gas station....and got out....I thought he was okay....he was do-able...nothing spectacular....not Tom Cruise....but I could do that.
He gave me a rose(made me laugh inside....how stupid to bring me a rose...like I could take it home...nice thought though...) and gave me a kiss....and I jumped into his car(later found out it was a customers..lol) and directed him to a spot on a hill...that actually almost overlooked my house...
I told him I wanted to see it and when he unzipped it was like Christmas morning...I relived that moment with him over and over...it always makes me smile....
Holy schlong....anyway....he just wanted to fuck me so we didn't waste much time....it lasted forever....front and back seat....every position you can imagine...I had bruises for the next week as if I had been in a car accident. It was awesome.
It was only supposed to be a one time thing....that we would totally keep to ourselves....but the next day there he was online. He sent me a pic of a dozen roses and told me he respected me....lol...we became good friends quickly...and decided we would meet again asap....well....you know what happens when you play with fire...
(here I am)

...that should be the title of my blog. It's probably already taken though. Well....yesterday I brought you the cd....I'm sure you liked it...and then in the afternoon...I just had to see you. I don't know if you bugged out of your house to avoid me or if you were actually going somewhere. I wanted to see you...if you don't want to se me I wish you'd just tell me.
Well...finally after hanging around town and doing some shopping...I went back to your place...still not there....still not answering your phone or returning my calls....nice of you to leave the door open for me I noticed you got my cd...looks like you ripped it open and ran out the door. I wonder if you read the note....well...you know by my detailed messages and notes I left in your house....exactly what happened next. I hung out...smelled your clothes....sat on your couch and cried for a while....and then decided you wern't coming back and I might as well leave.
I am just sick....I don't understand why you can't end it like a man. What about out SOMEDAY? did you even mean that? And if you didn't why do you want me to hurt? Why are you letting me suffer?
I'm starting to get angry that you won't call me....and I'm thinking about what I'm going to do next.
I took your pillow so I can smell you and sleep with it....it did bring me some comfort last night.
I know sweetie...I'm pathetic....but I love you so much....and everything that has happened and has been said between us....my heart just aches...my stomach hurts...i can't eat...I can't sleep....I'm suffering...

This one reminded me of you....all the good ones do!
I'm going to bring that CD to your house today....I hope you like it my love....
Remember I will always be here for you. And I have every intention in my heart of SOMEDAY....

Time After Time...

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you
caught up in circles confusion--
is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights--
almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after--

sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me, I can't hear
what you've said--
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
the second hand unwinds

chorus:
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time

after my picture fades and darkness has
turned to gray
watching through windows--you're wondering
if I'm OK
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time--

chorus:
if you're lost...

you said go slow--
I fall behind
the second hand unwinds--

chorus:
if you're lost...
...time after time
time after time
time after time
time after time