Last week I was having a hard time being apart from you. And I sent you a few text messages. In one of them I asked you if you thought we would ever be together....and not to my surprise you answered *no*.....What I REALLY needed to know....was *are you still there for me*....and you answered that question...just by texting me back.

Yesterday I talked to you on the phone...and....everything seems great. The big pull between us....especially for you but also for me...is the sex.
I just want to tell you baby....I know exactly what I'm doing.
I knew exactly what I was doing the first time I emailed you. I was slowly and systematicly seducing you. Every word....every time I hit send....everytime I gave you a glimpse of my calf....my thigh....and then turned out the lights and turned on the disco ball...(even if that was all in email)lol
Yo were so open and easy to it....and all I wanted was to be wanted...and feel wanted again...and you gave me that....and it would have been good if it would have ended after the first night....after the second....or anytime in the first few weeks. I would have been okay with that.
I'm not sure exactly when I fell in love with you...it could have been in my bed....sneeking you in the front door and down the hall....I always had on something silky and sexy for you....always shaved and smelling good for you....always playing some background music...and having a candle burning....I'm sure setting the mood helped...and you were so good to me...so good with me....we were awesome together.
I have a hard time remembering things sometimes....you know that...but there are some moments that flash continually through my mind...and those moments will be remembered forever.
I think....I fell in love with you....in your marshmallow bed...
After you moved out of your house and seperated from your wife...you got that great basement apartment...I loved calling into work and coming to your place and crawling into bed with you. I wished it would last forever....I could have just stayed there.....drifting in and out of sleep....forever and been happy....I think I fell in love with you there.
Anyway baby...I am keeping you....because my heart won't let you go. Because I've never known a love so deep and so true....and so obsessive. I can let you go right now...and live your life...and let you get your things done...but I will always be here...always calling....if not just to string you along and keep you waiting for me...keep you wanting me...and coming to see you...once every couple of weeks...or once a month...to show you just how much I do love you...and to make that connection that keeps us going....and keeps our hearts connected.
Someday....*sigh*......someday I really do want to be together. But not with kids...not with complications...and I hope...and I believe that that day will come..........I know what I'm doing baby......I'm never letting go....

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide

And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

And I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
For they might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide

And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here

I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

And I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide

And I won't go
I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here

And I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

....I would write something since it's almost the end of May. Everything is pretty much the same. You're spending a lot of time with your ex and kids....too bad you can't be alone with your kids and have to do everything with her tagging along. I love it when you talk about how she smells like the dogs and how shes too fat to ride a bike and keep up with you and your kids.
I've been spending alot of time riding my bike....doing end of school year stuff with my kids....and thinking about you. I hope to see you soon!

It's been a few great weeks since I've posted....and all is still good. You finally got your pillow back. I LOVE your new puppy....shes so cute...pootch-n-bitch.....LOVE her.
I'm glad things are progressing for you and your kids. I'm trying to remember all the details of everythng that happened in the past two years. As you know....my short term memory is...not the best. So I hope I get it right.
You know our self help site? Someone took your picture off of it again. Thats the second time. Meg said shes glad you don't come around because you cause too much *tension* in the group. I understand but it makes me angry that they would hang you without knowing the facts. Once you're labeled a child molester....thats all people see. I know you don't care about that place...but you know I do....a little. It makes me mad that someone would take your pic down....they don't have the right. Oh well.
My lover....I hope time passes quickly til I can see you again. Even a few days seems like forever for me. I love you baby...