I'm so desperate....omg....I want to call him.....I miss the comfort he gives me....it's going to take everything I've got to stay away....I don't think I can do it.
LOL....have to laugh at myself....it's going to be a hard day and a even more difficult weekend....
*sigh*
I miss him...

Well....today is Friday....and it sucks. I realize this blog is public and I knew that when I started it....so if anyone is reading this and is wondering WTF this is about....it's about my complicated life and the love of my life that I can't be with....at leastnot right now. The story of what happened to me and my love...it's complicated. I'm sure I'll get into it at some point. But for right now...
We met two years ago on a website....we were both there for reasons...well....lets just say it's a self help website with a support group....and we really got into supporting each other.:)
We both live in the same state....and less than 30 min. apart. So when we got talkin and realized we wanted to meet....we just did and everything got complicated from there.....and we just can't be together right now....well....we could spend time together here and there....but we can't live together. And it's hard to find time to go out. I'm up for it but he's giving me the *I need more* and he is tired of spending most of his time alone...and I understand. But we knew we couldn't be together right now....and I think that someday we will be together. And I want him to know.....that I'M STILL HERE!!!....and that I'm not going anywere....and that I'm thinking of him always.....and i want a record of it so someday he can see that I was here all along. I know he loves me....I know it will happen. Ever have a love like that? You just know when it's right....and this is it....this is the one for me.
I want to call him so bad....but for now....I'll give him his space.

I know there is no sense in calling you... After the past two days of you not answering the phone I know theres just no point...
My phone is driving me crazy. I keep looking at it to see if you have called me. I'm lonely for you....my heart aches...
I'm not doing much today...I have a shelf I'm staining and finding a place for....I'm just going to put books on it. Remember that book you told me you read over your last 30 days? The one you said really got to you? What was the name of that book? I wish I could ask you...because I really wanted to and I forgot....I want to read it.
There were so many things I wanted to say to you. There just wasn't time. I wonder when I'll get the chance to see you again...and spend time with you...I wonder how I'm going to get through it.
Last night was great Sweetie....it felt so good to be there with you....SOMEDAY....it will be every night.
Maybe I should just leave here and leave my life here behind...would you have me if I did? Would you kick me out if I showed up on your doorstep and didn't leave?
I regret not returning your affection last night...I just wanted to know that you wanted me....I wanted to feel that from you.
*sigh*
How can you take what we have and set it aside....I know you say you hurt....and I do too....but the LOVE that we have is a once in a lifetime thing....and I hope with all my heart that you will believe that in time...
Don't forget your promises to me....the blanket for one....don't let another woman lay on my blanket. And the picture....you promised you would never take it down. There was one other thing...I forgot to ask about the letters and pictures....where are they? Please keep them....they are precious...
I keep thinking about that screensaver you had on your computer. Do you even have your computer anymore? I didn't see it on the table. I want the screensaver.....it was so pretty...
I'm thinking about you today....all day....you will be on my mind and in my heart...

This is another song I heard that reminds me of us...I want you to know that everything that has happened has made me sad....but I totally understand what you're going through. I ment everything I said.....I can see the future....and I know what has to happen...we're just in a bad spot right now and theres nothing we can do...but someday the space between us will be filled...and we will be together.

The Space Between

You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love

The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing

We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain

Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down

The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here

The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...

I Love you baby...always and forever...

Well....here I am. My first post in my blog. I decided to start this because I really want you to know I'm still here.
I heard a song this morning on my way home. It punched me right in the heart. It's called *It's Not Over* by Chris Daughtry. I want you to know....above all....it's not over...

"It's Not Over"

I was blown away.
What could I say?
It all seemed to make sense.
You've taken away everything,
And I can't deal with that.
I try to see the good in life,
But good things in life are hard to find.
We'll blow it away, blow it away.
Can we make this something good?
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

Taken all I could take,
And I cannot wait.
We're wasting too much time
Being strong, holding on.
Can't let it bring us down.
My life with you means everything,
So I won't give up that easily.
I'll blow it away, blow it away.
Can we make this something good?
'Cause it's all misunderstood.
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

We can't let this get away.
Let it out, let it out.
Don't get caught up in yourself.
Let it out.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

Let's start over.
It's not over, yeah...
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.